


Teach Me Tonight

by pinklights



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-War, Dancer Natasha Romanov, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Jazz Age, Light Angst, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-World War II, Recovery, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, slight age gap
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-11 19:29:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19933306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinklights/pseuds/pinklights
Summary: The year is 1946 and Bucky Barnes is home from the war but he isn't the same man he used to be. The neighborhood pretty boy came home with scars in places no one else could see. It isn't until his sister Becca introduces him to one of her friends that he starts realizing life moves on after the war, despite all of his efforts to prove otherwise.-Post-WWII Buckynat AU





	1. Chapter 1

_♪ 'Into Each Life Some Rain Must Fall' by The Ink Spots, featuring Bill Kenny, and Ella Fitzgerald ♪_

**June 1946**

The war was over. They’ve won. They’ve returned home to their families, their soft beds, their regular lives. They didn’t need to be soldiers anymore, didn’t need to keep themselves up in the middle of the night or plot out attacks against the enemies on the other side. They were just regular men now, off to lead regular lives. So why was Bucky Barnes smoking on a stoop in the middle of the night with cold sweat running down his face?

The images of war were hard to shake. It seemed like every other night, he’d either have a dream about being held captive or dream about being killed, or seeing someone else get killed, or killing somebody else. It was always different, all left a heavy feeling in his chest. 

“You okay, Buck?” It was Becca. She was back in the city and getting ready to start her second year of college in the fall. When he left for the war she’d just began high school at that boarding house upstate. He didn’t even get a chance to scare off the boys who’d have chased her. 

Their two younger sisters were still upstate. He visited them when he first got back. They were supposed to come home to Brooklyn for the summer but his aunts wanted to take them back home to Indiana for the season. That _and_ they’ve heard news about his violent dreams and most likely didn’t want them seeing that. He was a mess, he wasn’t going to deny that. For now, all he had was Becca.

“Dreams,” he explained. He blew his cigarette smoke away from where she sat beside him. “Go back to sleep, Rebecca.”

“You busy tomorrow night?” She ignored him, which was something she’s been doing a lot lately when she decided that he was being an ass. “My friend, Natalia, gave me a couple of tickets for her show.”

“She an actress?” He let his cigarette butt fall onto the pavement and he stomped on it for good measure. He was already craving for another one.

“She’s a _dancer._ Moved into town while you were away. I taught her English over the summer last year.”

He considered it for a while but decided against it. He really didn’t feel like going out these days. Sure, it’s been a couple of months since he’s come back, almost a year now, but it didn’t feel right being back. He’s been managing the gym where he used to box, helping around here and there. Nothing permanent. Not yet, anyway. “Might be running a match tomorrow. Sorry, kid.”

“Come _on_ , Bucky,” she clung onto his arm--his bad-looking one, the one that took most of the damage during one particular encounter--and pleaded with her big blue eyes that mirrored his. How could you say no to that? If there was anything Bucky enjoyed, it was being a big brother to his sisters. Their parents passed when they were younger and he had to be responsible for them. And that sometimes meant giving them whatever they wanted.

“Why’d you have to teach her English?”

“She’s Russian. They’re setting up a ballet company and she’s one of their dancers. Paid good money, too.”

Bucky nodded slowly, patting his sister’s hand which was still resting on his arm. A night out would be good for him, at least that’s what he tried to convince himself of. He used to be all for going out and having a ball, dancing, chasing girls, having drinks with his friends. Half of them were dead, some of them missing, but he didn’t want to dwell on that. “Alright. I’m not wearing a suit.”

But of course, he still wore a suit. Because Bucky Barnes might be recovering from the traumas of war but he was still Bucky fucking Barnes. He still cleaned up well, albeit not as well as he did before the war. He looked a bit more tired, a bit less peppy. He and Becca took a taxi to the theater where this Russian friend of hers worked and were seated near the stage. 

“There aren’t a lot of people here,” he commented, fidgeting in his seat. His legs felt like they were too long for the allowance in front of him, his shoulders too broad. He found himself leaning into Becca so that he wouldn’t bump into the man sitting on the other side of him.

“It’s supposed to be for those snooty rich people only, a private performance. She doesn’t know a lot of people in New York so she gave me her tickets.”

“Oh.” And with that, the lights dimmed and the music from the orchestra swelled. It’s been so long since he let himself enjoy something like this. He could feel the thunderous music rumble in his chest. Becca looked thrilled and he let himself relax. For the first time in a long time, he leaned back and let himself be taken away to a place where he wasn’t fighting for his life.

The program consisted of a series of performances, no clear narrative, which he appreciated since long stories made him sleepy. After two separate performances, a woman with red hair appeared at the center of the stage. She was going to be dancing alone.

“That’s her,” Becca squealed beside him. “She’s pretty, right?”

Bucky didn’t say anything, he was convinced he _couldn’t._ The music still filled his chest but something else too. She didn’t dance the way the other dancers did. He didn’t know anything about ballet but he could feel how precise every single turn and tilt of her head was. The footwork was faster, her arms looked like they were floating above her, liquid, like water. Before he knew it, her piece was over and another pair had taken their place on stage. The whole thing felt like a dream, a good one this time. 

She appeared two more times throughout the evening. Once with a male dance partner and another with a couple more girls. The whole time, he kept his eyes on her, mesmerized. At the end of the show, the dancers all held each other’s hands and took a final bow. There were no hoots or whistles from the crowd, only thunderous applause while standing and flowers being thrown on the stage.

Before the curtains were drawn, Becca grabbed Bucky’s arm and dragged him through the crowds to a side door. The staff at the theater stopped them but Becca told him they were there for Natalia Romanov. He eyed them and the bouquet of flowers his sister had in her hands before letting them through. 

A line of dancers hurried past them before a particular redhead appeared, glitter on her cheeks and a big grin plastered on. It only seemed to widen when she spotted Becca, pulling her into a hug and kissing her cheeks. “Becca, you made it.”

“Nat,” the brunette handed her the small bunch of flowers they bought on the way to the theater. “You were amazing! I told you you’d nail it.”

“Thank you.” She looked at the flowers with so much appreciation in her eyes before looking up and spotting him. He was almost startled by how green her eyes were. “Hello. I am Natalia.”

“Oh my goodness! I totally spaced.” Becca pulled Bucky to stand beside her and not behind her. He didn’t even realize that he was attempting to hide behind the short brunette. “This is my brother, Bucky. He’s the one I was telling you about.”

“Of course,” Natalia nodded, offering her hand. And like the complete idiot that he was, he took it and kissed the tops of her knuckles. This seemed to surprise the redhead, her cheeks a little pinker than they previously were. She was probably expecting a handshake but old habits die hard.

“Sorry,” he muttered, shifting in his feet and clearing his throat. “Bucky Barnes, Miss.”

“Oh, no need for that. Just call me Natalia.” She smiled anyway, despite how dumb he probably looked. She was beautiful, he agreed with Becca on that. There was something with the way she looked that made him feel like he was watching a movie in real life, like she should be up there with Rita Hayworth or something. 

“I’m starving,” Becca announced. “We’ll see you outside?” 

“Yes,” Natalia nodded. “I will change.”

The air was still a bit cool, the remains of spring still seeping in at night. Bucky took out his smokes and leaned against the side of a building while Becca watched him. She was wearing the dress he’d bought her from London where he was last stationed. He bought all of his sisters something from his ‘trip’ abroad. A couple of boys made eyes at her while they passed them and he quickly realized that she wasn’t a child anymore. She was in college.

“She’s pretty, right? I told you.”

“I guess.” He shrugged. He wasn’t about to tell her about the out of body experience he had watching her dance, definitely. He wouldn’t hear the end of it. 

“Prettier than Dolores.”

“Dot was from a lifetime ago, Becca.”

“Did you know she has two little ones now? Ran into them when the girls and I went to the park last week. Married a tailor or something.”

“Good for her.” Bucky was about to stick his cigarette between his lips again when he spotted a now-familiar woman making her way to them. Her hair that was previously styled up was cascading around her face in elegant waves. He decided then that she should definitely be on a picture with Rita Hayworth (he loved Rita Hayworth).

“Hi,” she said, greeting him first before looping her arm around Becca’s and started walking. He followed them silently and just listened to them talking. Now that she could hear her properly, he noticed the accent. It wasn’t as heavy as he expected but the way she talked didn’t sound very natural. Maybe Becca was a lousy teacher.

They stumbled upon a jazz bar with too many people that they had to make do with a small table outside. The music was still loud but at least he didn't need to constantly avoid bumping into people. They got a bit of food and drink and he resumed his smoking. If their old aunt found out just how much he smoked in a day, he'd get an earful from her. Thank God she was in Indiana. 

"I'm personally convinced that my brother left half of his brain back at war." 

Natalia laughed at that, although shyly like she wasn't sure if she was allowed to laugh. He tapped on his cigarette and drew in another smoky breath. The music was inside sounded fun, sounded like something he'd dance to. He just didn't have much luck with partners lately. 

"You did not tell me he was handsome." 

Bucky turned to look at her then, their eyes meeting. He would have actually blushed had it not been for the playful smirk that appeared on her lips just before she took a sip of her drink. _Rita. Hayworth._

"I told you he left a trail of crying girls wherever he went." 

"I didn't know what you meant by that." She shrugged and Bucky looked away again. What he'd give to go back to a time where all he had to worry about was how to impress girls like Dolores. He couldn't even manage a conversation with a woman without him spacing out. 

"It means he breaks hearts. I don't recommend falling in love with him." 

"Just eat your food, Rebecca." 

At the same time, Natalia said, "Don't worry. I won't." 

Their eyes met again and he didn't know why that stung when she said that but it did. He didn't even expect to see her again after that night but right at that moment, he tossed in the towel. She was the one to look away first this time, picking on her food. 

Becca was smiling as she chomped on her mashed potatoes, looking at him like she knew something that he didn't. Grown-up or not, she was still a brat. 

They dropped off Natalia at her apartment before heading back home. It was when they were alone that Becca clung onto his arm again, his hands were stuffed in his pockets, mind far away. Maybe he left it at the Russian's doorstep as he awkwardly told her goodnight. 

"She's great, right? Never had a _foreign_ friend before." 

Bucky snorted at that. He forgot that she's never lived outside of New York state. "She's just a girl."

"Not like the girls I know. She's just shy because she doesn't know you yet but I think she likes you." 

"Sure she does." 

"Listen, we should go out like this more often. You never go out anymore." 

"That's because I'm tired. I have a job, you know." 

They were just a couple of doors away from their building then and she stopped, looking up at him at his side. The lightness of the conversation was gone, replaced by a legitimate look of concern on her face. He didn’t like it. He shouldn’t be worrying her or any of his family for that matter. "You're not tired because of your _job_." 

“Becca.”

“Big brother, must you bear the weight of the world on your shoulders?”

He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. _Now_ he was getting tired. “Let’s go home.”

Becca kept her gaze on him for a while before letting the topic drop between them, left on the sidewalk to forget about. He didn’t have any of his usual dreams that night. Rita Hayworth might have made an appearance but it wasn’t the first time he’s dreamed about the actress. He _did_ have her picture in his wallet during the war. But then a different face started appearing, a face he’s only gotten to know very recently. He woke up late the following morning, still with that heaviness on his chest but it wasn’t because of the war. It was because of an entirely different thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been working on this AU for a while so I thought it was about time I actually started sharing it with you guys! I hope you all like it. I'm not done trying to plot it out yet but it's going to be shorter than my previous fic, definitely. 
> 
> Bucky's extensive comparison between Rita Hayworth and Natasha is brought on by the fact that _I_ love Rita Hayworth.


	2. Chapter 2

_♪ 'I'm Old Fashioned' by Rita Hayworth ♪_

There were far too many people at Coney Island that day, a lot more than usual, and Bucky was so ready to change back into his clothes and drive back to civilization but Becca and their friends were already setting up the beach towels. He hung back and lugged the cooler with him. Beside him was Natalia dressed in her bathing suit. It was green with white polka dots, hugged her curves in the right places and he tried so hard not to look. The color brought out her eyes, again, he was keeping his eyes to himself. 

She was squinting so much that he handed her his sunglasses. “Don’t get a lot of sunshine where you’re from?” 

Natalia looked up at him, her nose scrunched in an attempt to keep the glasses on her face. He pushed it up her nose without thinking. “We have sun. Not this much though.”

“Yeah, didn’t think so. I was stationed in London for a while. All there was’s rain. Hated it.”

“I _love_ the rain.” She smiled. This time she pushed the sunglasses up her nose herself. “The rain pouring with a good record in the background? I call at an ideal day.”

Bucky was partially convinced that she’s someone straight out of a movie. All he could do was stare at her as she walked ahead of him to set up her own beach towel. He settled on a spot next to her and pulled out a cold drink. He tried to offer her one but she refused, instead laying back on her elbows and watching the crowd around them. Becca and the rest of their friends were already running to the water. They were children, still. He felt like he was a hundred years old.

“ _So,_ ” she started talking again after a while. “Is Bucky your actual name?”

He couldn’t help but laugh at that, taking a long sip of his soda before responding. “It’s a nickname.”

“Like Becca?”

“Yeah. My parents named me after a president, James Buchanan.”

“ _James_. Is he a good president?”

“I don’t know. I’m convinced my folks just pulled a name out of a hat.” He smirked and looked over at her. “How about you?”

“Me?”

“Yeah. You got any stories?”

“Not really. Definitely not sunny-day stories.” 

“Rainy-day stories, then?”

“Rainy-day stories, yes.” She smiled anyway and he didn’t pry anymore. He definitely had a lot of rainy-day stories of his own. No use talking about it when they were supposed to be having fun at the beach. It didn’t look like either of them were beach people though. Bucky was in the middle of finishing his soda when he heard someone whistle in their direction. 

“Hey, doll.” A stranger a couple of meters away from them were walking in their direction, a girl under his arm. He was talking to Natalia. “If you’re bored here, why don’t you join us over there by the water? Get yourself _wet._ ”

He had a look on his face that Bucky didn’t appreciate at all. Even the girl by his side was looking a bit uncomfortable. He was about to stand up and say something when Natalia spoke.

“No, thank you.” She was being polite about it but he could tell she didn’t appreciate being ogled by the creep either.

“Aw, shucks, hon. Me and my friends have drinks and music. We could dance.”

“Hey, the lady said no, pal.” 

“You her husband? Her brother?” Bucky stared him down, jaw clenching. “Didn’t think so, now mind your own business.”

"What kind of music?" _Was she being serious right now?_ He had to look over at her to make sure she was joking. She had a smile on her face but it didn’t look as sweet as the ones she’s been giving him. It was off, wicked.

"Oh, you know. Whatever's on the radio. Hey, where's that accent from anyways?" 

"Russia." 

"Russia? Like the Soviets?" 

"Precisely."

"That's sweet. What do you Russian ladies like?" 

"To be left alone. You are blocking my sun." She made a show of looking around, the sunglasses dropping to the end of her nose again. Bucky couldn't help but smirk at the whole thing. 

"Geez. Just trying to be friendly no need to sound like a priss. Let's get outta here." 

Once the man was a safe distance away, Bucky laughed. Actually laughed. It's been a while since he's genuinely felt this good about anything. He didn’t expect it from the tiny woman beside him but he suddenly wanted to buy her a drink. A real drink and not some soda pop. Maybe even go out dancing. 

He was about to open his mouth to suggest it when he heard Becca squealing from the distance. Natalia’s eyes were on her immediately and he followed her gaze to find his sister being chased by one of the friends she brought along. She’d introduced him as _John Proctor from Columbia_. John Proctor from Columbia drove his own car and also looked at Becca _differently_. Bucky didn’t like it.

“Adorable,” the redhead quipped. 

“ _Disgusting_ is more like it.” 

“She _likes_ him. I think he likes her too.”

Bucky shrugged and watched his sister play around with her _friend_. He was young and blonde and maybe he was good for her but it didn’t erase the fact that he was her big brother and anyone who so much as looked at her was on his shit list. Thank god their younger sisters were in an all-girls boarding school. John Proctor from Columbia. He was on his shit list.

Natalia and Bucky never got up from where they sat on the sand. They talked about everything and nothing. Winters in Russia versus winters in New York. What kind of music he liked, what kind of movies. She said she liked noir. He agreed and managed to slip in a _Gilda_ reference. She wasn't able to see it when it came out so he told her what it was about. Her review was lukewarm. She then shared that she liked Hitchcock and that she was reading Virginia Woolf to help with her English.

The more she spoke, the more enthralled Bucky got. He considered what Becca said about foreign friends being different. He's had foreign friends during the war. None of them were like Natalia. Filled to the brim with opinions and she wasn't afraid to voice them out. She decided she didn't like the beach so much but then looked at him and said she liked her view anyway. He had to take a breath and remind himself that it didn't mean _anything_. She probably didn't have the right words or something

She eventually asked him for a soda pop and he watched as she drank it, sweat running down her neck. He wanted to bury his head in the sand.

The beach day didn’t last as long as Bucky expected (thank god) since the others were burning up too much. They were all red and sunkissed as they drove back to the city. He sat in front with John Proctor from Columbia and the girls squeezed together at the backseat, giggling about something when John dropped Bucky and Becca off at their place in Brooklyn. The Barneses were about to head up to their apartment when they heard the car honk. Natalia’s taken his place in the front seat, window rolled down as a smile graced her lips.

“Hey, James Barnes,” she called out. “How about we go dancing?”

The girls in the backseat giggled some more and so did Becca beside him. He turned red. He turned red because _he_ was supposed to ask _her_. Hell, he was supposed to be the one driving her home. “Uh, sure.” Was all he could muster up.

“This Thursday?” He realized she still had his sunglasses on and they were falling down her nose again.

“Thursday.”

“See you then,” she gave him a wink and John Proctor from Columbia started driving off. Bucky couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. _What just happened?_

“You really are hopeless, Bucky.” Becca patted his arm and went up the stoop to get inside. The sun was setting somewhere on a horizon and he was left outside with his cooler in one hand and a beach towel in the other. Steve was right when he said he’d meet his match one day. He didn't think it'd be this soon or this terrifying, but it was there. She had arrived.

When he picked up Natalia from her place that Thursday, he'd brought her some flowers. Becca insisted that he did. It wasn't a date or anything, was it? They were just going out dancing. As friends. _Yeah. That's right._ He lingered by her doorway as she scrambled to put the flowers in a vase or something. She decided that an old pitcher would do and left it by her window.

Her apartment was just on the first floor of an old brownstone and when they stepped onto the street, he could see some of the yellow flowers peeping through her curtains. They were pretty but not as beautiful as the girl walking right beside him. _Wow_ , he thought, _maybe the war really did make him an idiot_ because now he didn't know where to put his hands or what to say. He hasn’t really gone out like this in what felt like decades. It’s only been four years.

"Becca told me you'd take a girl out every night to dance." Natalia was the one to initiate the conversation and he ducked his head, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Becca over exaggerates everything." Sure, he danced. He did lots of other things _after,_ too, but Natalia didn't need to know that. He was most obviously not that man anymore. A silence fell between them but it wasn't awkward, just silence, the sound of the city nestling between where their conversation should have been. After a while, as they were nearing the station, she turned to him.

"I did not think that you would come.” She didn’t say it in a way that was coy. She wasn’t trying to make conversation for the sake of filling the silence between them. It was a statement, a truth she believed. 

He furrowed his brows. "Why not?" 

"Well, you don't seem to like me." 

Bucky was stunned. She thought he didn't like her? Did trying to be subtle about his attraction towards her come off as something _different?_ He hasn't been able to stop thinking about her since the moment they met. It was ridiculous. The only reason he came to the beach that weekend was _her_. "I do. Like you, I mean. Why would I not? Like you?" He wanted to kick himself.

"I don't know. Just a feeling." She shrugged but gave him a smile anyway. 

They took the subway to the area of the city where he used to go to with his friends for a good night out. The train, as always, was packed. He managed to find her a seat and he stood in front of her, holding onto one of the poles. He was very aware of the people staring at them, at _her._ God, the way the assholes around them looked at her like she was some sort of prey was sickening. Have men always looked like this? 

When he finally willed himself to look at her face he realized she’s been staring at him the whole time, red lips curled in a playful smirk, eyes bright and green. It was so easy to get lost in them. How he managed to catch her eye was beyond him. He was just a lost soldier, living without purpose. He looked away, praying to every god out there that the warmth in his cheeks didn’t manifest into a blush.

They finally reached their stop after a couple of minutes and just before he could shove his hands back into his pockets, Natalia’s soft, cold hand slipped into one of his own. He was startled by it and he was afraid she could feel how strongly his heart was beating in his chest. She definitely wasn’t like the girls he’s been with before. They always played at something, saying things and meaning other things. It was a fun game, really, but this was different. She was different. They never asked him out directly, definitely, and they never initiated contact. It was when they were walking in the cool night hand in hand in comfortable silence that Bucky Barnes knew he was in for quite a night. All he had to do was try and not act like a complete fool.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the sake of this fic, I took comic canon for Natasha's birthday. She doesn't have an actual one but Ivan did rescue her from a fire sometime in 1928 when she was still a baby, making her about 18-19 in this fic. Meanwhile, I followed Bucky's movie birthday and he's basically 29. Thank you for the comments and kudos as always! <3 
> 
> PS the songs I put at the top of each chapter are great and y'all should totally listen to them while reading :)

_♪ Rumors Are Flying by The Andrews Sisters ♪_

For all the grace he’s witnessed of Natalia on stage, she wasn’t much of a dancer off of it. Dancing at the clubs was something she apparently hasn’t had much experience in. Why she suggested dancing was beyond him but it also gave him an opportunity to teach her how. It was funny. She listened so intently, memorizing steps as if she’d be quizzed on it later. He had the biggest smile on his face that it was actually starting to hurt. 

“Listen,  _ listen, _ ” he took her right hand with his left while his free hand found her lower back. “Don’t think about it too much and just move.”

They’ve been on this for a couple of minutes, lost in the middle of a crowd and drowned in loud live music. It was electrifying, to say the least, his heart flooded with music like that time he watched her perform the first time. Only now, he wasn’t so sure if the thunder in his heart was caused by the band or the woman in front of him.

After a few tries, she’s gotten the hang of it and he was leading them through the dance. She looked beautiful even when he could see how much she was concentrating on the movements. He wished she’d relax but it looked like she really wanted to do this. For some reason. Again, she was still a pretty big mystery to him. When she accidentally stepped on his toes, she burst out into laughter while saying her sorries and rested her head on his chest. It was like floating on a cloud. She could step on him any time of the day if it meant hearing her laugh like that.

It was then that he spotted a familiar brunette in the crowd looking at him. The smile slowly faded from his lips and he led Natalia to sit back at their table, made an excuse to get them both drinks, before he followed the Brunette to a quieter corner. He hasn’t seen her in a year, not since he was discharged, not since--

“Peggy,” he breathed, taking in her appearance before looking back to where Natalia sat. A few other girls were talking to her. She was doing okay without him. “How have you been?”

“Good,” she nodded, that distinct London accent still prominent. “I’ve been working in the city. Haven’t had the chance to pop by but I saw you through the window and thought why not? How have you been?”

“Oh, you know,” he shrugged. “Trying to live. Any news?”

Sadness flashed in her eyes and he knew the answer before she even spoke. “No, sadly. But efforts of trying to find him haven’t stopped. Howard’s even putting his personal resources for the cause.”

Bucky nodded and looked back at the girl he left on their table. She was laughing with another blonde. They’ve apparently bonded now.

“She’s pretty. A bit too young for you, no?”

“Does it matter?” 

“I guess it doesn’t.”

Natalia caught him staring at her from a distance and flashed him a smile. He waved at her like an idiot. He probably looked like an idiot too. Peggy most likely thought so. She snorted at the gesture and tried to cover a smile behind a gloved hand. 

“Well, I won’t keep you any longer.” She reached up on her toes to give him a light kiss on the cheek. “Take care, Sargeant Barnes.”

She disappeared into the crowd and made her way towards the exit while Bucky made his way back to the redhead who’d been busy chatting up some of the girls. When he got to their table, the girls gave him a weird smile before running off. 

“What was that about?” He sat across from her on the small round table as his gaze followed the two women. He was only brought back by the feeling of her hand on his cheek. She was wiping off Peggy’s lipstick. _God, it was embarrassing._

“Who was that?” She brought out a handkerchief, seemingly unable to take off the rouge from his face with just her thumb.

“What?” He was confused. “Oh, Peggy’s just someone I worked with during the war.”

“Was she one of the girls you’d take dancing?” Again, her tone wasn’t laced with any hidden meaning. She was just asking, expecting an answer, whatever it might be.

“No,  _ no _ , definitely not. She’s Steve’s girl.”

“Steve?”

“My best friend. We lost him… during the war. He’s out there.  _ Lost _ .” He didn’t know when the wiping turned into caressing but it did and he leaned into her touch as her thumb stroked his cheekbone. Her hands were so soft and she  _ was  _ so young. What was she doing with an old man like him? 

“Come. The song is slow and I won’t step on your feet this time.” Natalia got up and took his hands to lead him back into the dance floor. His hand found the small of her back naturally while his other hand held onto hers. There wasn’t much thinking involved in a dance like this one. It was slow, all they had to do was sway against each other and listen to the music. It was nice. It almost made him forget that he’d gone to war, that he’d lost Steve, and that she was probably too good for him. Natalia looked up at him and reached for his face again.

“Where have you gone?”

"I'm right here." He attempted a smile, drawing patterns where his fingers rested on her back. This was definitely starting to feel like something else, something he wasn't sure he was ready for. 

"Do you want to leave?" 

"No." He realized he was probably worrying her with stupid things. The last thing he wanted was to worry her, to make her feel uncomfortable. He tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear and grinned. "I mean unless you want to. We can go for a walk if your feet aren't killing you already." 

"I stand on my toes on small wooden boxes for the better part of the day, James Barnes."

God, he was an _idiot._ He'd almost forgotten that outside of this, outside of her friendship with Becca and their… relationship… she had a whole life. A career. What did he have? A shitty job and nightmares.  "Right. Why don't we eat then? I'm starved." 

"Food sounds good." 

Ten minutes and two city blocks later, they found themselves huddled together in a small booth in a diner he used to frequent. He ordered for them, Natalia not really knowing what to eat. He got her a strawberry milkshake while he got himself black coffee. They both got burgers and were sharing a plate of fries. 

It was there in that half-empty diner that Natalia finally told him one of her own rainy-day stories. It was brought about by her asking about his other sisters. He had to explain that their aunts were raising them since their parents had passed. 

"My father was a soldier in the first war," he explained. "I guess that's why I signed up when the war called for men. To honor him, I guess." 

"I never knew my father," she admitted after chewing a fry. "Never knew my mother either. I was adopted by an officer who saved me from a fire." 

He wouldn't have known. She looked like she had it all together, a mystery with red lipstick on. He watched as she took another sip of her milkshake. "I didn't like him much but he provided for me, put me into dance school. When this opportunity came, I grabbed it. The farther away from home I got, the better." 

"Why?"  _ Did he hurt you? _

"I don't know. I never felt like I truly belonged anywhere. I thought I'd feel like I belonged here." 

"You don't?" 

"I'm not sure yet." A stab in the gut. What was he expecting? He's only known her for a couple of weeks, did he really believe she felt anything for him? And then, as if she's read his mind, she said, "I'm starting to think so, though. If only the boy I liked stopped thinking too much." 

He smiled, genuine smile this time, and reached to rub the back of his neck, embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I'm not… I'm an idiot." 

"Yes, I agree. You have to give me something to work with here.  _ I  _ already asked  _ you _ out." 

Bucky sighed and reached across the table to lace his fingers with hers. It was probably the boldest move he’s done all evening. "You're not like the other girls I've met, Natalia."

"I'm sure you say that to all the girls." 

He shook his head. “No, actually. I'm serious. It’s terrifying.”

“You do realize that telling a girl she’s scary isn’t going to win you any points, James.”

“I’m not -  _ you’re  _ not scary. You’re…  _ breathtaking. _ ” He sighed. When did he become so bad at this? Was it because for the first time in a long time he actually wanted this to be more than just a summer fling? “Your very presence overwhelms me. The fact that you even fancy me is beyond my comprehension, but perhaps I’m a limited man. Used to be smarter than this, y’know? Top of my game and all'a that. Maybe Becca’s right and I’ve left half of my brain in the trenches.”

Natalia giggled at that.  _ Giggled.  _ He didn’t know what it was about such a small action but his heart leaped from his chest and he was almost positive that it was right on the table, beating like crazy. He went too far, hasn’t he? All he wanted to say was that he liked her and that he’d like to continue seeing her, but instead he presented his heart and now she was laughing. _ Great. _

“And here I was trying to figure out if you found me pretty or not.”

It was his turn to laugh. He was actually so close to crying, it was ridiculous. “Pretty? Darlin’, you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.”

“You’re adorable.” There was a look in her eyes he couldn’t quite decode. It wasn’t sheer amusement or joy or discomfort - didn’t look like a gaze a girl would give him after a couple of drinks either. He brushed it off as one of her many mysteries. 

The rest of the evening felt like a haze. She laughed at a lot of the things he said and it was like music to his ears. Suddenly his life’s purpose was to make her laugh and see her smile, even if it was on his expense. He told her stories about the war, about the infamous Howling Commandos and the eclectic group of people who made up the team. He highlighted his own part in all of it,  _ of course _ , as the sharpest shooter in the whole squadron.

He didn’t tell her about the part where he was captured, about how he was sure he almost died. Didn’t tell her about how every night he’d wake up in fits of panic. She didn’t need to know that, not yet at least. Another story for another rainy day. 

Bucky kept Natalia’s hand in his the whole trip home, standing close together in the train, laughing when an old woman gave them a stink eye. He discovered that aside from the rain, she loved flowers and was surprised that he brought them (thank you, Becca). They talked more about the books they liked and he promised to lend her a copy of one of his favorites -  _ A Tree Grows in Brooklyn _ . He told her about how he read it during the war and made him think of home. It was a clever book, much like her. He told her as much and her cheeks reddened a bit.

“You think too highly of me,” she said, leaning against the doorframe of her apartment. His fingers were intertwined with hers, dreading to let go.

“I think you’re great,” he confessed. Then again, he’s been confessing a lot to her that night that he wondered if this one made any difference. His other hand, the free one, swept some of her hair away from her face and lingered there, the tips resting softly on her neck. 

“I think you’re great, too.” Their voices were low as not to disturb her neighbors who were probably sleeping by then. It was getting a little late. He realized he hasn’t touched a single cigarette since he got to hers earlier.

“I’d love to keep seeing you.” Another confession. 

Natalia smiled at him again and it made him smile as well. “I’d love that.” 

His fingertips traveled slowly from her neck to her chin, tilting her head up as he moved closer, tension heavy between them as they both anticipated what was to come. His other hand let go of hers and slid onto her waist. He could feel her breathing against his face, could almost hear how nervous she was. He was too. 

And then, finally, he pressed his lips against hers. Her hand came up to rest at the back of his neck, pulling him closer against her and he took it as a sign that he was allowed to kiss her properly. He ran his tongue along her bottom lip and she accepted him instantly. She tasted sweet from the milkshake she had earlier. She also tasted like a dream he once had - good, dangerous. He was sure he was in love. Was it foolish to think that maybe she was too? 

Bucky continued to kiss her deeply, a hand on the back of her head while the other clung onto her waist. Her lips were soft but determined, pushing back as much as he was pressing down. The skin where her fingers clung onto his arm was burning. He pushed Natalia against her door gently, pressing his body against hers, naturally wanting more but he stopped before his thoughts could go  _ there _ . 

He pulled away abruptly, taking a step back and catching his breath. Her own chest rose and fell, lips plump from their kiss, face flushed. The look in her eyes made him want to kiss her again but he knew that if he did, he wouldn’t be able to stop. She probably wouldn’t stop him either but he didn’t want to even  _ think  _ about that.

“Wow,” she whispered, a smirk appearing on her lips. Her lipstick was smudged and he was sure some of it was on his own mouth. She said something in a language he couldn’t understand but he was certain it was a curse. He _ really  _ wanted to kiss her again.

He took a tentative step forward and reached for her hand, offering a small smile. “I’ll - uh, see you. I’ll phone you. I’ll- uh,”

“Goodnight, James.” She saved him from his mumbling, bringing a hand up to cup his cheek so that she could rise to her toes to kiss the other. It was soft in contrast to the kiss they just shared, like a promise. His heart was soaring.

“Goodnight, Natalia.”

Bucky didn’t know how he got home and got dressed into his pajamas or who lit his cigarette and made his coffee. He was consumed with an overwhelming thought, a feeling so heavy yet so light in his chest. Becca looked at him strangely as he sat by the window, his gaze far, his heart left on the doorstep of a girl who lived on the other side of the bridge. Oh man, _oh man_. He was deep in trouble.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update took a little longer than it should have because Real Life is a thing but I hope you all like it anyway. Thank you as always for the comments and the kudos! (The next chapter is definitely a lot better lol). Also, excuse my French.

_♪ 'I Don't Want to Set the World On Fire' by The Inkspots ♪_

Bucky hasn't worn his uniform in a couple of months, not since he's been officially discharged, but looking in the mirror now he felt a bit of pride in himself. He looked fucking good in uniform. Maybe that's why coming by girls to dance with had been much easier when he was in one. He definitely didn't miss how Natalia looked at him during their drive to city hall. 

There was a massive crowd at city hall. Having the ceremony during 4th of July did that. The president visiting their part of town also did that but none of that mattered to Bucky. His friends were in town and he's never felt more excited, more relaxed. 

The Howling Commandos have gathered for the first time in a long time to receive their respective honors. They were being awarded honors for their service during the war, particularly for working with Captain America. He hasn't heard that name in a while either. It stung. 

While he was up on that stage, all he could think of was Steve and how he should be there with them, receiving his medal himself instead of Bucky accepting it for him. A shiny Medal of Honor for the brave captain. For him, a Purple Heart and a Silver Star. For the rest, it was different things. In the crowd, in the front row, were Becca and Talia with smiles on their faces. He winked at the redhead and looked down at the gold medal he had in his hand. He wished Steve was there to meet his girl, to see that he was finally getting things right. 

After pictures - _a lot_ of pictures - the gang went downtown to celebrate. The music was loud, the laughter louder as Bucky led Natalia and Becca to the group of men gathered on a table in the corner of the pub. It was just like old times. Almost.

"Gentlemen," he announced clearing a section of the table so that the three of them can squeeze in. "I'd love for you to meet my sister, Rebecca. Not a single one of you is allowed to look at her."

"Aw, come on Sarge, we're allowed to tell pretty girls they're pretty," Falsworth winked at Becca from across the table and Becca smiled. Suddenly Bucky wished John Proctor from Columbia was there. 

"You sure you're related?" Jones leaned against the table, asking Becca. 

" _Sadly._ " 

"Anyway, this is Natalia. She's uh… a friend. Talia, these are the Howling Commandos." 

Natalia gave him a strange look before smiling and greeting everyone. "I've heard a lot about you. All good things." 

"Friends don't sit that close together, Barnes," Dum Dum Dougan's voice echoed from across the table. Bucky realized that he still had his hand on Natalia's waist but he didn't move to do anything about it. 

" _Enchant_ _ é _ _, mademoiselle_ ," Dernier reached for her hand and gave it a kiss. 

" _Enchant_ _ é _ _, monsieur._ ”

" _Ah! Tu parles français?_ " 

Natalia laughed and looked over at Bucky. He was trying to figure out what was happening. " _Oui. J'ai étudié le français quand j'étais jeune._ " 

This was a surprise for him as much as it was for Dernier. She’s apparently learned French when she was young but he had no idea. He learned it in school, too. He didn’t look like it now, sure, but he used to like _learning_ things. Languages, arts, philosophy. However, his French was rusty and he didn’t speak it as beautifully as Natalia was.

" _Bien!_ " The Frenchman clapped his hands together and looked over at him, eyes wide with excitement. " _Je l'aime bien._ " 

" _C'est dommage!_ " 

"Your sweetheart has always had a bad accent," he spoke in English now, a better language to tease him with. Natalia laughed along with him before turning to Bucky, a smirk on her face.

"I don't know. It sounds perfectly fine to me." 

"It's just the uniform, doll. Don't let it get to ya." Dougan squeezed himself beside Bucky and everyone moved around to make space. "How ya been, Barnes?" 

Dernier and the others whisked Natalia and Becca away in conversation, telling them stories about the Howling Commandos, yes, but mostly telling stories about Bucky being an idiot. He kept one ear on it even as he turned to Dougan. 

"Never better," he grinned to make a point but his friend gave him a look. It was both doubtful and playful at the same time. "Got myself a job. 'S all good." 

"Why don't you come back and join us?" 

Bucky considered it. _God_ he considered it a lot when he got back but at the same time, and he wouldn't admit it to himself, he was terrified. "I almost did."

"Aw, c'mon Buck. You making a grand return would be a dream. Get yourself more of those shiny things." He pointed a finger on his chest. "We could really use you, y'know?"

It was so tempting to. The Howling Commandos wasn't a typical team. They were special ops, used not just as soldiers but strategists. He'd love to feel that rush again. But whenever he closed his eyes at night, all he could think of were the others who didn't make it, whose lives were lost during those battles. Battles that _they_ planned. They knew there were going to be casualties, and at the time that's what it took, but now they haunted Bucky. 

Natalia's laughter cut through his thoughts and brought him back. He looked back at her for a moment to check whether or not his other comrades have talked enough shit about him but she reached for his hand under the table without looking at him. How was it that she knew exactly what to do at exactly the right time? 

"I don't know," Bucky said, turning back to Dougan. "My head won't be in it. Besides, I don't know if my arm's even healed completely yet." 

"Seems like more than that," he scooted closer after taking a swig of his drink. When he spoke again, his voice was just above a whisper. "You catch feelings for this one?" 

Bucky felt his blood rush up to his cheeks. He took a sip of his drink himself before answering, nodding bashfully. "It's bad." 

Dougan laughed and clamped a big, firm hand on Bucky's shoulder. "It's hard to trade a warm bed for a cold one. I get it." 

He almost choked on his drink at that remark and looked over his shoulder to make sure Natalia was still engaged in a different conversation. Becca was telling a story about how he acted the first time he met the red-headed dancer, much to the group's amusement. That night felt like years ago.

"We _haven't_. It's a new thing." 

"Oh man, you really are deep into this thing if you haven't--" 

Bucky gave him a look, mostly saying 'shut up'. Partly saying 'yes, I am'. The thing he had with Natalia was good, it was amazing; it was probably the best thing that’s happened to him in a while. He wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of that, not his _ feelings,  _ certainly not... _that._

"Listen, Bucky, about Steve-" 

“He’s another year older,” he raised his glass and took downed his drink. It was Steve’s birthday and they were out drinking. It should feel nice, right? Celebrating for him, getting his honors in his behalf, but it didn’t feel right. Bucky tugged at Natalia’s hand and gave her a big smile. “Let’s dance, doll.”

“Thought you’d never ask.” The smile on her face was enough to distract him, not that Natalia was a distraction or anything, but he felt better than he did when he woke up and realized Steve wasn’t there to celebrate his birthday with them. 

Bucky led Natalia to the middle of the dance floor and whisked her away immediately. She’s gotten a lot better at dancing ‘like normal people’ as he’d call it. She’s definitely stopped stepping on his feet. The way his hands slipped onto her waist and the way her hand fit in his were all familiar now, natural - even the way she’d hide her laughter by resting her head on his chest. It made his heart swell.

He’d just spun her around, laughter echoing from her when the music switched to something a bit slower. She smiled up at him and draped her arms on his shoulders, both of his hands on her waist now.

“You look good in your uniform.” There was a glint in her eye he didn’t want to dwell on but he smiled down at her anyway.

“It’s always been a hit with the ladies.” 

“Oh, I’m sure. Monsieur Dernier said so.” She was so close to him now that she could smell the sweet perfume she’d worn and noticed how pink her cheeks were from dancing. Some of her freckles dared to peek through her makeup. And her lips were the kind of red he wanted to kiss.

“I’m sure he had a lot to say about me.”

“Only good things to me.” She reached for his face and cupped his cheek. He leaned into her touch instantly, helplessly. She had absolute power over him and he didn’t mind it a single bit. “He told me about Steve. It’s his birthday.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” he nodded, hands tightening slightly around her waist. “That punk. He would have loved you.”

“Oh?” Her thumb started caressing his cheek. He appreciated these little things she did when she knew he was tensing up. He appreciated that she saw right through the walls he kept putting up when it came to things like the war and Steve. “I heard he was really nice.”

“He was. He--” he cleared his throat. “He was an idiot, a bigger idiot than I am. Got into a lot of fights he can’t finish.”

“Tell me more about him.” 

“Talia--”

“It’s his birthday. You’re allowed to remember him today of all days. He was your best friend.” Bucky realized that they’ve stopped dancing all together and were just swaying a bit.

“It’s just hard.” He's never told anyone that before, not even Becca. He took a deep breath. "But before he decided to be an ass and join the army, he was an artist. Not professionally but he was good. Better than I ever was." 

"He sounds lovely." Her eyes were so green. How were they so green? 

"He was a stubborn piece of shit," he chuckled. "But he had a good head on his shoulders. You would have _loved_ him." 

"Well, that's what you're here for." She had that glint in her eye again and they've stopped swaying. They were standing in the middle of the room while everyone else was rushing outside, something about fireworks. He didn't care. Neither did she. They didn't move from their spot. They didn't want to. 

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

Natalia put both of her hands on his cheeks then, a grin spreading across her face. "Oh, just kiss me, James Barnes." 

He gladly obliged, leaning forward to capture her lips with his. Just like that, the whole world faded. People were outside yelling and hooting, meanwhile, the fireworks he felt were right inside his chest. 

She was right about Steve and how he needed to talk about him, how he had to let himself remember him. Maybe one day he'll forgive himself for what happened to his friend, but for now, this was enough. For once, he was glad that he had lived. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I originally planned for this to just be a short fic but now I don't know where to end it so we're extending! Thank you for the kudos and comments as usual <3

_♪ Teach Me Tonight by Dinah Washington ♪_

The 4th of July celebration marked something in their relationship, made it more official somehow, especially after Becca caught them kissing in the middle of the dance floor. It took his sister a week and a half before she stopped bringing it up deliberately. Since then, Bucky and Natalia have started a routine. They’d go out and dance at least twice a week since she wasn’t that busy preparing for the new ballet season yet. Sometimes, he’d spend too much time on the telephone with her when he’s not able to see her for a couple of days. Other times, he’d surprise her by bringing her flowers as he waited for her to get out of rehearsals. Everyone who knew him knew: he was in too deep already.

He hasn’t seen her in five whole days when he came to pick her up for a movie night. It was almost August and things at the dance company were starting to get a lot busier. She mentioned something about auditioning for a major role in an upcoming show for September. He took note of the date in his calendar, promising her he’d show up no matter what role she played.

“Even if it’s just a leaf? Or a twig?”

“Honey, you could be a speck of dust and I’d still show up with the biggest bouquet of flowers for you.”

And then he kissed her because that was something he was allowed to do now. And often. Sometimes, they’d be reading on her couch, an old record playing in the background and she’d look at him with her big green eyes, pucker her lips a bit, and he’d know. As if in a trance, he’d crawl to the other side and start kissing her. And that’s all they’d do - _kiss_. He didn’t want to push their relationship faster than it already was. Didn’t want to scare her away. But it has been good between them. They had an understanding.

They’d just gotten back to her apartment from watching the movie and she was talking about how handsome Cary Grant was, was already predicting how big of a star he was going to be. He explained that he already was a big star and grumbled that there were other, _more handsome_ men out there. Natalia laughed at this as she unlocked her door and led him inside.

He already knew the layout of her small apartment well, having spent afternoons lying on her couch just to talk or read. One time, she let him watch her practice. They cleared the floor to give her space and she put on her pink ballet shoes. He was mesmerized, just like that first time he watched her on stage. It was also interesting to see her make mistakes, curse herself under her breath, and then calm down when she realized he was watching.

“I’m just sayin’, y’know,” he locked the door behind him and followed her to her small kitchenette where she put on a pot for coffee. The night was still considerably young. They went to the movies with Becca and John Proctor from Columbia but parted ways since they still wanted to go out dancing at some club in Times Square. Natalia had to get up early the next day for that audition she was talking about and Bucky opted to go home with her.

“I know, sweetheart.” Natalia turned to face him and gave him a chaste kiss before pulling out two cups from the cupboard. He hovered over her, hands on her waist as she fixed their coffee. Black for him, with a bit of cream for her. 

“Talia,” he whispered against her hair. “Would you like to go out for dinner next week?”

A cat-like smile spread across her face. “You already asked me earlier, remember?” 

“I did? Must’ve slipped my mind.” He rested his head on her shoulder, practically crouching down, his arms completely wrapping around her now. “‘M gettin’ old, y’know.”

“James,” she moved as much as she could so that she can turn in his arms and face him. “What are you doing?”

“Stalling,” a grin appeared on his face as he looked down at her. She was beautiful. She’s always been beautiful but tonight she was exceptionally beautiful. She wasn’t even that dolled up, but maybe that’s what made it feel different. 

“Stalling?”

“You know, taking my time because I don’t want to leave yet.”

Natalia brought her hands up to his chest. He was half expecting her to push him off of her but she rested her hands there instead, fiddling a bit with his collar. “No one’s telling you to leave.”

“Talia, your neighbors might find it scandalous if I stayed.”

“James, I’m a Russian woman living alone in Greenwich Village. They’re scandalized as it is. Besides, it’s just for coffee.”

Right. _Coffee._ Bucky smiled down at her and let her go, making a place for himself by the window after opening it. He took out a pack of his smokes and lit one, Natalia joining him shortly with their coffees after turning on the radio. A random tune was playing, he couldn’t quite place it. He picked on the flowers she had there, tulips he brought her earlier. 

"Do you think we're in over our heads?" The question manifested at the tip of his tongue, spilling out of his mouth before he could think. Natalia crossed her legs in her seat and took a sip of her coffee, eyes distant. He wasn't even sure if she understood the question. "We haven't known each other long. Are we moving too fast?" 

"I've discovered that Americans, contrary to popular European belief, think too much." She smirked. "Do we really need such pageantry, James? Do you prefer we - what do you call that - beat around the bush?" 

She's definitely gotten better at expressing herself since he's met her but he gave himself no credit for that. When she wasn't wasting her time with him, she's out with Becca and their friends or watching programs on the television. And then she read all of those books. They only made her bolder. He personally liked it. It was definitely attractive, _sexy_ even.

"No," he shook his head and drew in a smoky breath, breathing out a ribbon of smoke outside of her window. "Like I said, it's kind of terrifying. Like balancing on a tightrope." 

Their silence was broken when her teaspoon hit the sides of her coffee cup. She was pondering on it, deep in thought. "If you're trying to tell me something then just say it. No use mincing words." 

"I'm not-" he took a deep breath and threw his cigarette onto the pavement. It's served its purpose. Bucky went to kneel in front of her, hands reaching for hers. "I'm not trying to say anything. Don't be mad." 

"I'm not mad. I'm confused." He could see that she was as she looked down on him. "We're having a good time but you keep insisting on _something_ going wrong. I don't know what. I get scared, too, you know. I'm nervous, too." 

"Talia," he placed her hands on either side of his face and held her there. "I'm sorry. I'm-" he sighed. He shouldn't have brought it up. He shouldn't have started this. She was right. They were having a good night. Why was he bringing this up all of a sudden? "Good things don't stay with me, alright? You're the one good thing in my life right now and I want this to work, for the good to last. I want you. So bad."

"You have me, James. I'm right here." She drew him closer, uncrossing her legs so that he could move closer against her, between her knees. 

"It's just that I'm a mess. I'm a mess and you. You're _beautiful._ " He reached for her face but her hand caught his wrist. His heart dropped for a second. Maybe he'd done it. Maybe she finally saw exactly how messy he was. They went on a date and watched a movie, laughed the whole time, and now he was contemplating about their relationship, projecting his insecurities? It wasn't fair to her. 

His train of thought was broken when he felt her lips on his, kissing him gently. It definitely shut him up. He straightened himself up, hands finding purchase on her thighs. They've never wandered there before. She didn't seem to mind as she clung onto his shoulders before her fingers trailed over his chest, unfastening one button and pulling back. 

“You talk too much, you know that? How many times do I have to tell you that I like you and that I like being with you.”

“I know. I _should_ know.” His hands were absentmindedly running up and down her thighs, soft touches, but it was enough to pull the hem up past her knees. 

“We’re not even doing anything, James. We’re just having coffee.” There was that look in her eyes he saw the first time he kissed her. He wondered if he had the same look on his. The edges of her lips curled up again before she leaned forward to give him another kiss, a bit more determined this time. 

“Coffee.” He breathed against her lips. “Right.” 

Her fingers started undoing the rest of his buttons gingerly. His own hands found her knees under her dress, fingers slowly inching up, feeling her smooth skin beneath his touch. Thank god for summer and women refusing to wear stockings in the heat. And thank god for her since he obviously didn't deserve anything that was coming to him. 

Bucky's fingers massaged the smooth skin of her outer thighs as she started tugging his shirt from where it was tucked. He stood when she had trouble with it, unbuckling his belt before peeling his top off. He got rid of his undershirt too and basked in the way her eyes took him in. All muscle, yes, but traces of war could still be found on his body. She reached out for one scar near his left arm as she stood before placing a kiss there and then another on his chest, at the base of his neck. He held her in place with his hands on her waist. 

He was suddenly very aware that they were in front of her window which gave anyone in the street a good view of their affairs. He crouched down and scooped her up from the back of her thighs and she instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck, giggling as he carried her to her bedroom. 

"Mmm," she hummed against his ear. "So strong." 

"You know it, doll," he smirked and gently set her down on her feet once they were by the bed. She kicked off her shoes and started unbuttoning her dress, eyes never leaving his. 

He held her gaze for as long as he could, eyes trained on her face. Surely he was dreaming. Surely a man like him wouldn't be so lucky as to have a woman like her undress in front of him. She took it slow and he didn't know if that was a deliberate choice or if she was nervous. But the smirk on her lips was telling him it was the first of those options. Soon, her dress had slipped off of her shoulders, leaving her in her slip. 

"James," she whispered. "You can look. I want you to look." She lifted the slip off of her body which left her in her undergarments. He didn't know why he was acting like a fool when he's spent a whole afternoon talking with her while she was in her swimsuit. Perhaps it was because the intent of her undress was different.

“Talia-” His eyes drifted down, taking in the image of her and committing it to memory. Hair tousled, lips pouted. She turned from him and put her hair to one side. "Help me." 

Bucky knew she didn't need help. She got herself dressed and undressed every day. She just wanted him to come closer, he realized like an idiot. He wasn't the only one craving for touch between the two of them. His hands came up to rest on her shoulders, lips pressing a kiss on her neck as his fingers trailed down her arms. 

"You're beautiful," he whispered against her neck. She hummed and leaned back against him. One of his hands came around her, resting just below her breast where the hem of her brassiere was. His other hand trailed up her back to unhook the constricting garment. It took him a couple of seconds before he unclasped it, straps slipping down her shoulders. He placed a kiss where the strap left a pink mark on her skin, letting that piece of lingerie fall onto the floor with a dull thud. 

Natalia took his hands in hers and brought them to cup her breasts. Supple and soft. He groaned and she sighed as one of his thumbs ran over a hardening nipple. _God_. The restraining fabric of his trousers was getting uncomfortable. Her pressing her ass against him wasn't helping either. 

“I hope you remember this,” she whispered, leaning back against him. “I hope you get rid of any doubts in your mind.”

“I don’t deserve you, Talia. You’re too good for me.” He pressed another kiss on her shoulder before his hands left her chest, prompting her to turn and face him. Her cheeks were red. That was the last thing he remembered before he got pulled into a kiss, deep and sensual, he thought he'd drown in it. 

Her fingers found the button of his pants, unfastening it and unzipping swiftly. Another groan escaped his lips when he felt her nimble fingers on him. _Fuck_ . This was it. _Fuck fuck fuck._ He was all hers. 

Bucky eventually got Natalia on the bed. Beautiful, _beautiful_ Natalia, with her hair fanning around her, cheeks red, lips redder. The wrestle with her girdle was a difficult battle to win but it was soon on the floor together with the rest of their clothing. He was, for lack of a better term, rock _hard_ , yet all he wanted was to bring her pleasure, to make sure she felt as good as she looked. 

And so he worshipped every inch of her body, her mouth, neck, her peaks and valleys, the swell of her hips. She was all taut muscle under soft skin. Had that dancer’s body. Every time he did something she liked, he'd be rewarded by a gasp, a sigh, a moan. He almost didn't need to get off. He could do this all day, really, his head between her legs. Alas, he was still _just_ a man and holding back became painful eventually. 

When she was thoroughly ravished, he stood and scrambled for the small tin he had in his pockets. It wasn't like he was counting on this tonight. He brought it every night they went out, just to be safe. Natalia watched him roll on the condom under hooded eyes, legs parted, waiting. And the lord knew he's loved her since the first time they kissed but god he loved her more now, _desperately._

There, in her small one-bedroom apartment, he handed out his heart to her willingly, almost sacrificially, confident that she wasn't going anywhere; confident that he had a hold of hers too. Sex was never this intense, never this _binding_. But he knew he was done for when she clung onto him after they've chased their highs, nuzzling against his neck as he tried to calm his breathing, fingers tracing patterns on his chest. 

"I think I love you, James Buchanan Barnes,” she whispered, a content, sleepy smile on her face.

That was the last thing he heard before he dozed off. He could vaguely remember her getting up to shower and returning in his arms but he was mostly knocked out in pure bliss. He loved her, too. And he told her so when he woke up the next morning. Showed her just how much, too.


End file.
